THAT girl

we got that waiting in the clinic silence
that ssshh dont tell nobody what we did silence
& im so tierd of being your hamper, that im about to dump
out thoes weak old ketchup stain secrets & do laundry in
that silence, you like keeping it quiet
but my vagina is not your walk-in closet
you wanna stuff your unmentionables through me
want a place to hang up your insecurities, want me to
keep track of your hand me downs & prada
woman for every occasion & put me back behind close doors
in the darkness.. nobody knows you hold my hand
nobody knows i call you baby & nobody knows you write
anonymous poems about me, the kind that you cant post on facebook
because regardless of what you may think im worth or what you
may think i deserve i will NEVER be THAT girl
the girl whos only out to make you smile, when shes making you orgasm
THAT girl, whos day job is day dreaming of waiting for her night job
THAT girl, whos so in love she will turn her body over for your
superficial touch, you hide me behind lock doors & bed sheets
because if you dare reach out everybody will know that it was still about me
know that in your mind & in heart your still wrapped up in me
my tear drops you own them, my heart says you got them tied around
your pencils & fingers, ya you may say its over but you will never
admit that you still love me, but you dont have to cus the silence
makes volume you wanna hold me in your arms rock me to sleep
then act like you dont know me, as if the moments we spent together
are some kind of down payments. as if my bed room were lay away
& thats all you ever do is lay away curl up beside me but in the morning
pull up the hoodie & run the other way. im like that bastard child the reason
daddy never stuck around in the first place but for me rejection doesnt come
ever other weekend it comes when you lower your head & past by without
speaking & i remember there was a time when you could barley take your
eyes off me. i jus dont understand why its not ok for you to love me
i guess you jus want me to be THAT girl, the girl who everyone wants to
sleep with but no one wants to be with, THAT girl only good enough
to find a suitable replacement & i try to make up for my mistakes
but you convince yourself that she means everything & you want nothing to
do with me but common baby she looks jus like me, read the signs or
if not at least the facial features cus i was your first, your only
the prototype & shes jus the duplicate & you can never make copies
without first consulting the blue print you know that they say, the sequel
is never better than the original & she tries to write you stories but
you know there only half as good so half squinting you only hold her
half as tight as you should because the other half is tangled within my
bed sheets & your other half is complete within my mind soul & body & your other half is french tonging me monday through friday.. im not fighting for
joint custody im fighting for respect because ill never be content with
being your back door hoe your something on the side your something to do
during thoes lonely nights your closet freak... you will never produce me
to a skank & a whore rather than to let me love you, i rather
spend every night trying to learn my bedroom floor rather than to be
THAT girl